Before I go
by Queenhydra
Summary: Prussia is dying and he knows there is nothing he can do to stop it. As he struggles to accept his fate, he realizes that there is one thing he absolutely must say to Austria before it all ends. At the same time Austria struggles between feelings he's had for so long and an impending war with Russia. Will these stubborn fools admit their feelings before it's too late?
1. So this is the end

I was not feeling as cool as usual this morning; I woke up coughing my lungs out again. Third time this week this has happened. It started a few months ago, at first it was just a small cold but lately I've been coughing none stop. That's not the worst of it though; I've been getting a lot of chest pains and dizziness. Some nights I've ended up vomiting and sometimes….

I looked at the hand I just coughed into; sure enough it was covered with bits of blood. I sighed and clenched my hand. This is pathetic, what was going to happen to me. The uncertainty of my situation was killing me, this never happened to another nation before. Sometimes we'd would get colds or flus, usually when our people were suffering or if there was a plague but in the end we'd survive. We couldn't explain how it works, it just does. There were so many things we personifications couldn't explain like why we existed or how we could live so long. Were we even human? The questions were always there but the answers eluded us all. There was no time to answer them; many people were counting on us to lead them to victory in war and prosperity in peace. Plus, there was no reason to seek those answers; though we've had our ups and downs we were all pretty happy with our lives none of us wanted to change that.

Now, I had to face these questions but I didn't know where to look for the answers. I didn't want to admit it, my life was going so well and there were still some things that I thought I would be able to do. However, this weak and decaying feeling growing inside of me was undeniable. I was going to die; I've known it all along. With this thought I couldn't help but laugh, this isn't a fitting end for the great and awesome Prussia.

My laughing only caused me to cough up some blood. I was glad West wasn't home; I was coughing so loudly there's no doubt that he'd come up here and check up on me. That would be a disaster. My chest hurt so badly and I couldn't stop coughing, he'd know something was wrong.

Suddenly, a small chirping sound came by my window still. I glanced to see a little yellow bird staring at me with concern. My coughing fit stopped so I wiped the blood off of my mouth and smiled at it.

"Sorry Gilbird were you worried," I said lightly padding it on the head.

The bird has been with me ever since I was young. I couldn't explain his appearance or how he could live so long but I was grateful that he was here as my companion. Though I wondered what would happen to him when I'm gone. I could always get West to take care of him I suppose, though he's not that good with animals.

I coughed a little more, no blood came out of my lungs this time, my chest still hurt though. I smiled weakly at the little bird still looking at me with concern.  
"You're the only I can tell about this you know because I know you won't treat me any different and I know you won't look at me like I'm weak. Anyone else would either take advantage of me or treat me like some poor dead man walking. Even West would tell me to take it easy and never stop watching me with sad eyes. I'm awesome Prussia and if I'm dying than I'll leave this world the way I came in it damnit."

That's right even if I'm finished I won't stop being awesome I've been hiding it easily, the only who really notices anything different is West but he's been busy with his Axis buddies. He hasn't seen me enough to fully comprehend what's going on with me. I haven't been spending enough time with anyone now that I think about it. Kind of sad since I know I'm leaving this world.

I feel bad for hiding this from West but honestly there's really no point in telling him. It doesn't change a thing if he knows. In fact, it would only make it harder on me.

The yellow bird chirped and hopped on my head to nuzzle in my hair like he always does. As if he was trying to make things normal again. I sure would like that. I want a future that I can see again.

I clutched the cross that around my neck. I just hope that all of my faith would at least win me a little strength to pull me through this. If these were my last days than so be it, I have done enough fighting throughout the years, I'll welcome the rest.

Still there's just one thing left….

"You know there is something I should do before it all ends."

The bird chirped in reply, he already knew what I was talking about.

"I should tell him how I feel; after all I've got nothing left to lose now."


	2. My not so awesome mistake

**Prussia-**

It was another awesome day for the awesome Prussia. Except for the constant pain in my chest, I was feeling great. I may have felt a bit gloomy last night with the impending doom sob story but I'm all better now. At least…for now that is. There's nothing that can slow me and my awesomeness down for very long. Not even my poor health.

I approached Austria's huge house, sighing as I gazed over it. For a stingy bastard, he sure has a big house. Not even West's place is that big, it's not even a house it's a freaking mansion. On top of that the house is just as stingy and prissy looking as Austria is. It sort of pissed me off how fancy looking it is.

Someone like him who is all dignified and stuck up was the complete opposite of me and exactly the type of person I hated the most. It did make him fun to pick on, I'll give him that. Yet this same stuffy person invoked such strange and wonderful feelings within me, funny how that worked out. I suppose you can call this feeling love and it's been one that I have felt for a long time. Probably, since the day I met him.

I never told him about these feelings. Why should I? I'm pretty sure he hated my guts; I'm not sure why that is. Probably, still mad about the whole Austrian succession and seizing his vital regions thing. He seriously needs to get over that. However, it was different now, I don't have a lot of time left to worry about whether he hated me or not. I needed to use this time wisely. Even if he hates my guts and out right rejects me, it's better than leaving this world with regrets.

As I walked to the house, I thought about what I was going to say. How do I bring up these feelings and most importantly how will he respond? I kept calculating in my head of the many things I could say but all the possibilities seemed stupid and either didn't say enough or said too much. Come on your better than this Prussia. Maybe I should have asked France about this kind of thing beforehand he's more into this sissy romance stuff than I'am.

Also, I know Austria was dealing with an incoming invasion from Russia. West and Hungary were backing him up but he still seemed pretty worried. He'll be distracted by that and most likely wouldn't have time to deal with a love confession as sad as that is. I couldn't blame him; apparently this little invasion from Russia is serious.

Communism has rotted away in Russia but he's still all about spreading his ideals and making all the other countries bow before his. Something about making peace under mother Russia's rule. It wasn't anything new and it's not like Austria hasn't faced such a problem before. However, Russia is powerful and ruthless not a force to underestimate, trust me I know. From the sound of things Russia plans to take over the Germanic countries starting with Austria's place. Still I wasn't too worried about the affair.

Russia was powerful but I don't think he expected Germany and Hungary to lend a hand this early in the game. Plus, I heard America was watching this fight closely, they'll probably join in if it means beating up on Russia. With all the extra firepower, its most likely Russia might pull out and reconsider his options before a war even gets started. Still Austria will need to very, very careful.

I hope that he kicks that vodka loving bastard's ass!

I wish I could help him out but I'm not in any condition to fight and I have no awesome army to back me up either. So I'll just stick to the sidelines preparing the victory beer and try not to die too soon. Damn, being sick is depressing. Even Italy is more useful than me at this point, not that I'll ever admit that.

Anyway, I was getting closer to Austria's house (mansion) and I still didn't have anything to say to him. I actually snuck into the bushes and creeped around the house like a stalker just so I'd have some more time to think. Don't judge, it was a perfectly good idea at the time.

Gilbird joined me in the bushes and rested on my shoulder. I smiled at him and picked some of the leaves out of his feathers.

"Any ideas?" I asked.

He only chirped and shrugged.

"Didn't think so," I sighed "Guess I'll just wing it and hope he doesn't sic Hungary on me."

Just then the air echoed with the sound of piano music. He was practicing again, that's just like him even with impending doom coming closer, he still has time for music. I waited just a moment to listen to the pretty sound. I wonder what piece he was playing now, maybe Chopin? Nah, it sounded like one of his original pieces but I'm not the best judge.

I wasn't one for classical music but somehow it's different when he's playing. It's almost as if he was expressing something other than sound with every note he played. It wasn't just some boring and dull lullaby to put people to sleep. It was something entirely of his own creation, something that represented both himself as personification an himself as a human being. When he played, it was like I could hear the music of his heart. Thinking about it now, the first time I heard him play was probably the time I finally understood him and fell madly in love with him.

As the music continued, I decided that I was merely wasting what precious time I had and that I needed to just get out with it. What happens next doesn't matter; this was something I to do and now. I would betray my heart if I didn't speak up. Daring to give this a shot I emerged out of the bushes and made my way towards the front door.

"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HIM ALONE FRANCE!" I heard Hungary's voice scream behind me.

France? What was she screaming about? Before I could even turn around to see, I found myself staring into the dark abyss that was Hungary's frying pan. Then suddenly-

SMACK!

There was a sharp pain in my head and the world swirled around before me. I heard Hungary gasp as soon as she realized her mistake. I think heard her apologize but I couldn't make it out through the dizziness in my head. Then I ended up on the ground as the world quickly faded to black.

* * *

**Austria**-

I was just finishing up a piece when I heard Elizabeta shouting followed by a loud metallic clang. I cringed when I heard the noise. That sounded like it hurt, I felt sorry for whoever was the latest victim of her frying pan attack (Even though they probably deserved it).

"Ops sorry Prussia," I heard her shout "Roderich! I accidentally beat up Prussia again."

I sighed and looked out the window to view the scene. I did my best not laugh at the scene outside my property. There was Elizabeta holding her frying pan staring at a possibly unconscious Prussia lying on the ground, her face white with guilt. In the meantime Prussia's little bird flew in panicked circles around his master's head like a scene from a cartoon. Of course I felt bad for him but he was a personification he'll be fine in a few minutes and how many times does one get to see "the great Prussia" beaten up by such a delicate looking woman. Not Elizabeta was delicate by any means; the Austrian Succession was proof of that.

I quickly made my way outside and came to Elizabeta's side. I kneeled down next to her unfortunate victim and sighed. She really hit him hard; I can already see the lump growing on his head.

"Hey, Prussia wake up you idiot," I said gently patting his face.

He didn't stir; he was most definitely out cold. Actually he looked rather peaceful; I think he was snoring a bit too. I looked up at Elizabeta as she gave me a guilty smile.

"I thought he was France stalking you again," she explained.

"It's alright, he shouldn't be sneaking around my property anyway. Well the deed has already been done so we might as well just bring him inside and treat his wound. Though I'm certain he's seen worse."

He was probably up to no good anyway. He often sneaks in just to tease one of us or follow me around and annoy me until I pay attention to him. Last week I was in the middle of going over paper work to prepare for the Russian invasion when he decided to sneak by my window and honk an obnoxious air horn, disrupting my work. Honestly, he acts like a little kid sometimes; can't he see I'm busy with important work? He's always been annoying but he's been extra annoying ever since his country's dissolution. I couldn't blame him for that.

He's clearly been depressed but he's been hiding it or at least trying to. I had a theory that he's been extra annoying lately because he's trying to take off of his dissolution. I couldn't blame him, the country he's fought so hard for and raised so proudly was gone just like that. I couldn't imagine what I would do if the same thing happened to Austria. I wonder if Germany realizes how much his brother is hurting.

Just then something caught my attention on the side of Prussia's face. I moved a bit of his hair to find a slight purplish mark lying just underneath his ear. There was another on his forehead head just underneath the lump where Elizabeta hit him and another on his head, buried underneath the mess of white hair.

"Eliza, how many times did you hit him?" I said "This is overkill."  
"Huh? I only hit him once I swear."

I looked at the bruises one more time; they did look older than the new one he just received. I wonder where he got them. Probably, while hitting himself on the bar stool after drinking too much again.

"Well let's just get this idiot inside. Help me lift him up will you?"

I took one of his arms while Elizabeta took the other. Instantly we managed to pick him up off the ground and dragged him across the lawn. It was a task that was strangely easy, this wasn't the first time I carried his unconscious form and I doubt it would be the last. However, he was mostly made of muscle which in turn made him really heavy but now he was lighter than usual. Has he lost weight? His depression was worse than I thought. I might have to talk to Germany about this.

We dragged him inside the house and set him on the nearest couch. I had Elizabeta go fetch an ice pack for his head as I stood by and watched over him.

His little Gilbird perched himself on his master's chest. He chirped quietly in concern and nuzzled against him. The display of dedication put a smile on my face. At the very least he would never be alone.

For a man who was just hit in the head with a frying pan, Prussia looked pretty peaceful. It was almost as if he hasn't slept very well in a long time. The deep bags under his eyes were a clear indication of that. I wonder what's been bothering him.

Then again do I really need to ask that? The loss of his country took a toll on him more than he's willing to admit. The fool just keeps on spouting off how awesome and mighty Prussia is even though there is no more Prussia. Really we all should just start referring to him as Gilbert because of that fact but only a few would dare do that.

Real names are special to personifications, they were only used by people who we're extremely close to. Elizabeta and I are a good example since we've allies, neighbors, and close friends for so long. Though Prussia and I have had a close history together, I doubt our relationship will ever get on such an intimate level, much to my grief.

I pulled up a chair as I waited for Elizabeta and watched Prussia sleep. Even now with a big lump on his head, he was so handsome. He's always been an interesting sight to look at, he never failed to make my heart beat wild. Still now was not the time for delusional fantasies.

Needless to say, I'm worried about the Russian invasion. Having both Hungary and Germany on side might have saved me. My military might and troop size is nothing compared to Russia, I would have gotten crushed if I was on my own. Still I'm far from safe if I'm not careful Austria will be at Russia's mercy. Something I refuse to let happen.

Turning my attention away from such dark thoughts, I looked once more at Prussia's sleeping form. Once more delusional fantasies of the two of us together ran through my head. He annoyed the hell out of me. I still can't believe that someone as arrogant, loud, and downright rude as him even exists, it didn't seem possible to me.

Yet at the same time this man was strong, brave, and most importantly compassionate. For someone as selfish and narcissistic as he was, he had a kinder and gentler side to him. He barely showed that side but it was easy to see if you looked for it. You could see in the way he talks to his brother and the way he keeps his little Gilbird close. I've never seen a human being love an animal so much nor have I ever seen a country with such brotherly dedication. Perhaps that was what made me fall madly in love with him.

I've often thought about telling him how I feel but I know it wouldn't end so well. There's no way I'm giving him more ammunition to tease and pester me with. He'll just rub it in my face and just break my heart. Besides I'm exactly the kind of person he hates; a part of me wonders why he hangs around me as much as he does. A person like him would never fall for someone like me; we're two completely different people. Yet even knowing that, my heart continues to feel the same, even after all these years.

With every tease he makes, every joke he cracks about me being stingy, every time he smiles I can't help but picture a possible future together. It doesn't help that he sneaks around and goes out of his way to bother me. A part of me always hopes that it was a sign that he liked me to. I'm not sure how much more my heart could take still I'll have to hold in these feelings a little longer.

"Roderich, the ice pack is ready," called Elizabeta racing into the room with the pack in tow.

She placed it carefully on Prussia's forehead, hoping the ice would ease the swelling. I watched her eyes move towards the bruises I noticed earlier, her expression growing with concern.

"Where did he get these bruises from?" she asked "You think he got in a fight."

"I was wondering the same thing," I replied "I suppose we'll just ask him when he wakes up. There's nothing else we can really do at this point but wait for his healing abilities to kick in. Speaking of which though…"

I glanced over at Prussia's lump; it was slightly better but not very much. Normally battle wounds like that heal almost instantly with personifications. On the other hand, injuries stick around longer if inflicted by another personification for some reason.

"I wonder why he hasn't started healing yet."

"Perhaps it's because…well you know. The fact that he's not a nation anymore, his abilities aren't working properly now."

I sighed, she was probably right. Sad thing was there wasn't anything we could do about it. It pained me to see him suffer in both his body and his heart but it's too late now. The Kingdom of Prussia was gone, that was that.

"Well, let him sleep there for a bit," I said rising from my chair "I bet you anything his pride was the only thing truly damaged and that can easily be nursed if we give him beer."

Elizabeta smiled and laughed. She seemed to feel a little less guilty about her mistake now.

"I'll go out and buy some then," she said leaving the room.

"Hurry back though I'm not sure if Russia has agents sneaking around Vienna. Don't take any risks."

"Oh don't worry about little old me. You nurse our sleeping Prussian Prince back to health."

I shook my head in embarrassment. She definitely knows about my feelings, I'm sure how but she does. I actually think she's amused by whole affair. To my relief, she hasn't said anything to Prussia but I couldn't help but wonder if she knows something I don't.

As her voice trailed out of the house I turned to the piano and decided to start practicing again since I was so rudely disrupted before. I took a seat on the bench and stretched out my fingers deciding on what piece to play.

I glanced one more time at Prussia on the couch. I really do wish I could tell him how I feel. The Russian invasion is more important though, I can't let my mind wander on a silly love story that will probably never happen. Still, we're both personifications; there will be plenty of time to tell him.

* * *

Author's note: Hey thanks for reading the second chapter of my second fan fiction, I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter was mostly just to show what stage Prussia and Austria's relationship is in and to set the scene. I promise the next chapter will be a little more exciting. I hope you'll continue to read my updates and please review. I love it when my ego gets stroked and I'm always looking for room to improve.


	3. Hints

Austria-

It took a few good hours but Prussia finally woke up. He opened his eyes and slowly started to sit himself up on my couch. He rubbed his eyes; I don't think he's completely registered what happened to him. I smiled at him deciding on the best way to rub the incident in his face. It's very rare when someone gets the opportunity to tease Prussia back and that was something I planned to take full advantage of.

"So how was your impromptu nap?"

His eyes widened and for a moment there was a strange look of shock on his face. He looked at me in confusion. Suddenly, it wasn't so funny anymore, now that saw the fright on his face. I smiled at him and dropped the cockiness within it to let him know everything was all right. That head injury must have affected him more than I thought.

"Elizabeta hit you with a frying pan," I explained.

Then he did something I didn't understand, he sighed. It was like he was relieved to be hit with a frying pan instead of the nightmarish alternative he had. What does awesome Prussia have to be worried about? If anything I would have thought he would be blushing with embarrassed for getting his ass kicked by Elizabeta.

That was hint number one.

Then he chuckled and got up from the couch a little too quickly because he stumbled a bit.

"So she got the better of me this time, I'll give her that," said Prussia "But she can never really take me on!"

"And I suppose getting knocked unconscious was according to your plan."

"Er yeah, I was just practicing my infiltration skills. It worked suckers, if I was a Russia spy you would be screwed."

"Sure it did… anyway; Elizabeta will be here with tea so sit back and relax for a little while."

"Sweet free *cough* food on Specs' stingy *cough* budget."

I raised an eyebrow, that cough didn't sound too good did he have a cold? It's a common occurrence with personifications but I've never heard anyone cough like that. Expect for some very, very sick people who did not have the luxury of having a personification's healing abilities.

It did take him a while to recover and that bump on his forehead still remained. He usually was a fast healer so why was it taking so long? Now that I was looking at him, he seemed….

Before I could figure it out Elizabeta came into the room with a tray of tea in hand. She set it down and grinned at Prussia victoriously. Strange, she was claiming it was an accident before.

"So how's our sleeping prince?" she asked.

"Piss*cough* off, *cough* *cough*" replied Prussia his words more than obscured by the random coughing.

The smile was wiped from Elizabeta's face as she quickly handed him a cup of tea.

"Prussia, you really need to clear your throat," she said "Sounds like you have a cold."

He coughed again and smiled in that cocky fashion of his.

"Yeah this bug has stuck around lately; I've been getting over it though. It should clear up in by the end of the week."

That was hint number two.

"So anyway how's that Russian invasion thing going?" he asked.

I stared grimly at my tea before I took a deep sip. I knew the subject would come up but I still wasn't sure how I would address it.

"Elizabeta and Germany's help definitely turned the tides around for me but I'm still worried its Russia we're talking about after all."

"Ug your telling me but you'll do fine he's not so tough when he's out numbered."

"…it's best not to take him lightly though."

"You need to have a little more fun in battle makes it a little easier…*cough* to deal with. Etschuldigen Sie mich.(excuse me)"

That time I couldn't help but notice he stared at his hand every time he coughed. It was brief of course but it puzzled me. It was as if he was looking for something on his hand every time he coughed or rather he was making sure something wasn't there. Hint number three.

By that time I realized something was very, very wrong but I couldn't place what it was. There were so many signs but I didn't quite understand what was right in front of me. That was disturbing me. All the pieces of the puzzle were in front of me but I could not piece them together. Something was off but what was it?

"So what exactly is Russia after again?" asked Prussia.

The question took me off guard, I was so lost in thought, I forgot about the conversation we were just having.

"It's just another territory struggle," Elizabeta answered for me "Apparently; Russia is trying to bring back a new version of the Soviet Union. It's not Communism but it's still threatening Europe. Not to worry though. If they keep it up, America will soon be our ally as well; they would never risk a new form of Communism and nuclear panic."

"Exactly what I was thinking," replied Prussia "See little master, you've got nothing to worry about so quit looking so pale you're as white as ghost."

"Ur right…" I replied staring into my empty tea-cup.

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep since I discovered Russia's plans to invade. Perhaps, I was putting all of my problems on Prussia. I should really be looking after myself; Austria's people are counting on me. If I don't focus…I'll end up just like Prussia with nothing but the memories of my former self and no country to fight and live for. If it's really bad, I might even up like Holy Rome, now that was an event that I don't wish to repeat.

Elizabeta took a look at my tea-cup and then her's.

"Oh my we've already gone through the pot, I'll go make some more," she announced.

With that, she picked up the tray and quickly retreated to the kitchen, once again leaving me alone with the former nation. The former nation that I happened to have feelings for. It felt awkward being alone with him now, I felt like I should say something but my mouth refused to open. For a moment it's quiet, the silence was almost suffocating. I couldn't help but notice that he kept on staring at me as if he too wanted to say something important but couldn't. I'm sure I was staring at him the same way.

Something inside of me was screaming that this was the moment that I've been waiting for. This is the moment where I would tell him my feelings. I felt compelled to speak to him; it was as if I don't say anything now then I will never will. Taking the opportunity, I opened my mouth to speak.

"Say Prussia…"

Suddenly, I interrupted by a small chirp from Gilbird followed by another loud cough from Prussia. This time it was pretty bad. He coughed for a good few minutes, until Elizabeta rushed into the room, handing him a glass of water. He gratefully accepted the glass and gulped down the contents in a matter of seconds. His coughing subsided for the moment.

"Geez that sucked thanks Hungary," he said when it was over.

"Jesus Prussia," she said "You nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought you were choking."

"The awesome Prussia choking? Fat chance, this cold I have is just really getting to me is all. Oh yeah, you were saying something Specs?"

I paused for the moment, mauling over my words.

"I was just going to tell you," I finally said "That…you should see a doctor that cold of yours sounds awful. You're a personification but you should see someone when you're that sick."

I breathed in relief as I dodged the bullet. However, I didn't miss the look in his eyes. There was a sense of despair in those crimson pools, a most disturbing sight indeed especially with one who usually sparkles with endless ambition. I wondered what he was thinking at that moment as smiled at me in reply and said "Yeah I guess I should do that." His voice seemed so weak and unbelievable; it was not like the awesome and arrogant Prussia I knew. That was the last hint.

That look on his face was all I needed to know that something was absolutely wrong with Prussia, something that he was too stubborn to talk about.

"Anyway I've got a lot of awesome things to do so I'll see you losers later, thanks for the tea," he said getting up.

"What you're going?" Elizabeta exclaimed "What did you even come here for anyway?"

Prussia started to walk out the door and waved his hand carelessly.

"What I always come here for," he said "For the free drinks and to bug the hell out of you, later losers."

I got up to say something, to stop him from leaving but by the time I did, he was already out the door. Did I just make a mistake letting him go like that? I should have fought harder, I should have grabbed him and forced him to stay and tell me what was going on with him. Now it was too late. My stomach felt sick, something bad was going to happen. It was as a part of life was slowly fading away. I've had this grave feeling before. The last time I saw Holy Rome.

"Well that was strange," noted Elizabeta "He comes here, gets beaten up and then leaves. Prussia is an odd one….Hm Roderich?"

I paused staring at the door Prussia walked out of. I already had so much at stake but I felt that if I didn't do something about Prussia now then I was going to regret it later.

"Elizabeta, could you call Germany for me? I need to talk to him."

She looked at me in confusion but nodded and went to her task. I needed all the help I can get. I wasn't quite manly enough to get into Prussia's thick skull but his brother was. Perhaps, he knows more about what's going on with him.

Moments later Elizabeta returned, her face was completely white.

"What's wrong? Could you not get a hold of Germany?"

"It's not that Roderich, I have some terrible news Russia is planning to attack tomorrow!"

* * *

Prussia-

I walked home quietly feeling sorry for myself once more. This sucked; the one thing I accomplished today was getting beat up by Hungary. So much for using what's left of my precious time.

Gilbird flew along side me and stared at me in confusion. I glanced in his direction silently, he looked pretty angry with me. I sighed; I already knew what he was thinking.

"Yeah, I know I had a good opportunity," I said to him "But I couldn't do it. If I did, I would have to admit it's over. That's something I can't grasp fully yet. I have a feeling it will be my undoing."

Talking with Austria back there, I realized something. There were two possible outcomes if I told him my feelings. One is where he feels the same as I do and hopes for a new happy life together, only to discover that life was greatly shortened. That wasn't fair to Austria to give him so much hope and follow-up with grief. The other possibility is that he doesn't feel the same and rejects me. If that happens then I fear that I would lose all hope to live. What would be the point if I had nothing to fight for anymore?

It was better this way now that I thought it through. I don't want to admit it's over just yet; I don't want to be finished. I want to have more time with Austria, I want to continue laughing with my friends, and I want to keep on living. I don't want to die.


	4. Silent Confession

Prussia-

The sound of frantic chirping broke through the loud ringing in my ears. I opened my eyes, not aware that they even closed in the first place. The scene was so blurry, the only the light of the slowly setting sun was clear.

Where was I? I couldn't think straight, everything was so fuzzy the only thing I could focus on was the constant chirping. It was like waking up with a hangover only scarier, my heart was beating fast, irregular thumps. I was to weary to panic though.

Slowly, I became more aware of the cold concrete my head was using as a pillow. I shifted my awareness to my fingers and toes slowly wiggling them to try to wake up. The pins and needles inside my muscles made it hard to move, it took me a moment to fully wake my body up.

I weakly lifted my body off the ground and sat myself up. One side of my face prickled with the concrete's rough touch.

"Ug what happened," I groaned.

I felt Gilbird sit on my shoulder, chirping with concern. As the ringing in my ears slowly died away, I pieced together bits of memory. I remembered walking from Austria's house and went back to West's place. I reached to open the door then…everything was blank. I must have had another attack but it wasn't like this before. I at least had time to sit down and catch myself before I fainted.

I gave a heavy sigh and ran my fingers through my hair. My fingertips found sticky blood dripping down from the crown of my head to the side of my face.

"Great, it's getting worse."

For once Gilbird remain silent. I couldn't even force a smile on my face. All I could do is sit and wonder how long do I have left.

"Bonjour Gilbert," I didn't need to look, it was Francis.

I glanced up quickly wiping the blood off of my face as I watched him cross the yard and step onto the porch. I instantly put on a smile and looked up at him but my expression was weaker than it normally was.

"Francis what are you doing here?"  
"I heard a certain someone visited Austria's house today," he said "How did that go? Did you finally confess your undying love to him? Was it sexy afterword?"

"Its sexy everywhere I go. But no, it didn't exactly go according to plan."

"Oh? Tell Francis all about…..Gilbert what happened to your head?"

I reached up to rub some left over blood off my forehead.

"Oh this? It's nothing."

Suddenly, a disturbance in my lungs caused me to pause. I cover my mouth and violently start coughing it lasted several long minutes. When I finished, a metallic taste coated my tongue. I didn't need to look at my hands to know they covered with blood.

"That looks like it's a little more than nothing," said Francis "I know you are a reckless one but take it easy before you injure yourself."

He took a seat next to me on the blood coat doorstep. He put his arm around my shoulder and continued smiling but it wasn't that stupid grin he usually wore when chasing tail. This smile revealed wisdom and experience that wasn't normally seen because of his playboy attitude.

"So Gilbert, why don't you end this silly game you're playing and tell me how much time you have left."

I stared at him in shock. I haven't talked to Francis for at least a couple of months. How could he have known?

"Wh-what are you talking about Francis?" I said playing coy.

"Don't give me that. I've seen enough countries rise and fall to know that you are not well my friend. To be honest I've feared something like this ever since you dissolved. Though I don't know why you're only showing symptoms now."

I paused, too exhausted to try and weasel my way out of the truth. To be honest, I'm relieved that he understood, I've dug myself a hole when I decided not to tell anyone I had too much pride. However, I've been so terrified especially in these past few weeks. I was so afraid that I'd die alone or worse I'd disappear like Holy Rome without anyone knowing what happened to me. I always thought if I die, I'd go out with a bang instead I'm slowly watching myself fade away and nothing is worse than that. Soon I'll barely be a memory.

"…The doctors don't know shit but I don't need them to tell me that I don't have long," I finally let out in a sigh "Something tells me that won't make it through the month."

Francis was silent for a painfully long moment. Then he took a deep breath and then let it out with a long and sorrowful sigh.

"I see…" he said wiping his eyes "Then, is there anything I could do to help?"

"I've tried everything I could think of. Doctors don't know what's wrong with me. Their useless so I stopped seeing them. Really, I just don't want to waste any more time on something that I know can't be fixed."

"Then …we'll need to make the most of the time you have left with us. We'll call Antonio and party till we drink every bottle in Germany's house."

"Ha you bet we will. I know where West hides the good stuff too."

"Wonderful! But first…"

He yanked me to my feet and led me off the porch and into the house.

"We're going to get you cleaned up for your big love confession."

"What? Francis, I'm dying and I told you how the last confession went."  
My throat got caught on the "D" word. That was the first time I admitted that it over and I had said it so causally like there was no point in denying it anymore. A bit of my heart died with that thought.

"You can't call what you pulled off a love confession! You didn't admit any of your feelings. Besides Gilbert, it's because you are dying that you should tell Austria. There's no point to life if you leave something as beautiful as 'I love you' left unsaid."

"…I guess you have a point but when I face him I don't exactly know what to say."

"Sure you do. Just say what's in your heart. I love you Austria. Simple as that, there's no need to make things as complicated as you like to make them. Now then let's get going, shall we."

"Go where?"

He yanked me inside of the house; the big smile on his face was the only explanation he gave. I protested but he refused to listen. He just dragged me along completely ignoring the fact that I had just fainted and most likely needed rest. He simply laughed at me and told me to stop making excuses. What is this guy planning? Someone rescue me.

A forced shower and a squabble over whether Francis should put make-up on me or not later, I was dressed in the flashiest suit he could find in my closet. It is the most uncomfortable thing I ever wore, I honestly thought I was going to faint again because it was so tight, I was having trouble breathing.

"See, you look like a gentlemen now," said Francis a little too pleased with his work.

"I think I'll turn into a laughing-stock if I show up like this," I complained.

"Nonsense."

He then pulled me over to a mirror and indicated for me to take a look.

"See for yourself, Austria will melt when he sees you."

I opened my mouth to protest but immediately shut it when I caught my reflection. He was right and I hated to admit it but I looked pretty good. The jacket's style wasn't too different from my normal military attire but it was definitely a lot classier. The black silk made my pale skin look like it actually had color. The red tie and white undershirt made me seem like a Casanova instead of a rough a tough military man. It was kind of…cool. I didn't think the refined appearance was me but now that I've seen it, I like it.

"Hm…actually that's not half bad but do I really need the man girdle?"

"Yes! Their back in style. Now it's time for you to get going."

"Now?"  
"Yes now. When else are you going to? The sooner the better, trust me my friend."

"Yeah I guess your right about that but I don't know if it's such a good idea. I mean it's not like there's a future for us so why should I bother trying?"

Francis paused and stared at me in horror. However, his expression quickly changed to a smile and he started laughing. I glared at him, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"I get it now," he chuckled "The great Prussia is shy."

My cheeks flared up. I clenched my fist in protest. Did he really just suggest that?

"I 'am not. I'm awesome and awesome countries are not shy losers."

"Ho ho after all you're bragging and confidence the great Prussia is afraid of telling Austria that he loves him. That explains why you've been hesitant all these years. I guess your all talk."

"I'm not hesitant or all talk! I'm the great and powerful Prussia and I always will be ."

He smiled and opened the door. Then he raised his hand indicating for me to walk out.

"Then show me. Prove you're not all talk. This is your last chance after all."

I smiled weakly at him. My last chance…..

"Alright, I will show you that way you can never say I'm a priss."

As I walked out the door with Gilbird in tow, I heard Francis mutter something like "Stubborn fools always need a kick in the ass." I didn't bother arguing with the truth.

* * *

Austria-

After I heard the news I need a moment to think so I retreated to garden in my back yard. I wandered aimlessly weighing my options as the sweet scent of edelweiss attempted to calm me down. Though I don't think even the beautiful sound of piano music can calm my nerves now. Russia was coming and very quickly too.

Tomorrow decides my fate as well as the rest of the Germanic countries. I thought I was ready. With the support I'm getting from Elizabeta and Germany, I can fight back. Still Russia's army is large and powerful. Much blood will be spilt on the battlefield will some of it be mine?

In any case, I needed to be ready, I needed to get my head straight . Many brave people were counting on me to do so.

"You're sorry face looks kind of stupid right now," spoke a gruff voice.

I didn't have to turn around to know it was Prussia. I kept my back turned to him and pretended to examine the flowers effectively hiding my sorrowful face. He's the last person I wanted to see me like this.

"What do you want Prussia? I'm busy."  
"Why are you hiding like that? You know I already saw your depressed mug. What's bugging you?"

A bright red blush crossed over my face. I took a deep breath and let the red fade away before turning to face him.

"It's none of you business Pru-."

Just like that the blush returned to my face when saw how handsome he looked all dressed up. Damn, he looked amazing. I didn't realize he could clean up so well. He almost looked like a different person, he must have had help. There's no way he would climb into a suit on his own.

I shook my head taking a deep breath to calm my racing heart. When I could finally think straight my heart still kept pounding repeatedly against my chest.

"You look nice," I said "Do you have a date?"

"You could say that," he chuckled.

Then he bent down to pick an edelweiss. I shuddered tempted to remind him that it was illegal to pick those flowers in my country but I don't he would have cared. I remained silent as he rose back to his feet showing me the flower in his hands.

"You know you're like an edelweiss," he stated "Weird and stubborn."

"If you're trying to annoy me you're wasting both my time and yours."  
"Hey I'm not done yet. I've got a good thing going and I don't have a lot of time to say it. So just…listen up ok."

"Fine…says what you have to say."

The tone in his voice then was not only serious but honest. What was he getting at? I had a feeling that he was just trying to pester me in a new and creative way.

* * *

Prussia-

"Anyway like I said before your like this weird-looking edelweiss flower," I said "A stuck up prissy little flower. I guess that's why the 'noble white' flower is Austria's symbol."

"It's elegant and regal," he replied "It shows my country's true pride and nature. I find it very fitting and admirable despite what you think of its appearance."  
"Oh, but I like its appearance don't get me wrong."

Suddenly, my head started to throb with pain. I reached up to touch my forehead. Why now of all times?

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a migraine. Like I was saying …."

"If you're going to continue talking about flowers, you'll have to do it some other time. I'm busy now."

He started to turn around and walk away. I reached out and shouted after him but another throb made me stop in my tracks. Luckily, he did stay but he still kept his back turned, threatening to walk away at minute.

"I-I'm getting to the point, I promise," I said holding my head "Edelweiss are strong flowers as well as noble and pure."

Throb. Throb.

It seemed like the pain was increasing with every word I said. I'm certain it showed in my voice but I had to continue I was so close.

"They're just like you. I admire the strength and perseverance you've shown all these years. You've been through so much and yet you haven't changed a bit. Both your guts and your loyalty to your country are my favorite things about you Roderich."

The sound of his name made him pause. He said something but I couldn't hear it over the ringing in my ears.

Throb. Throb. Throb.

Damn, my vision is getting blurry. He's still speaking but I can't hear a word he's saying. My head was spinning as well. It was getting harder to concentrate.

Throb. Throb. Throb.

This is worse than the attack I had earlier. I have to hurry. Staying focused, I thought about the words I've wanted to say for so many years and how I couldn't let them fade away now. I took deep breaths trying to speak in between them.

"Roderich, I…I."

Throb.

Come on I have to do this, for me, for him, for us.

"I-"

The next thing I knew the pain stopped and so did everything else. Roderich and the garden disappeared, replaced with a black screen. I tried to open my eyes but realized in horror they already were. Then panicked chirping managed to pierce through the ringing in my ears as I crumpled to the cold ground. I could almost feel my consciousness slip hopelessly away as I realized that I didn't finish my sentence.

I love you Roderich.


End file.
